Signs That Harry Potter Is About To Turn Gay
12.01.2006
If you've ever ventured into the Harry Potter section over on The Pit of Voles, you can see some rather horrific Harry Potter slash fics. So... I've decided to compile five signs that evidently indicate you've got Homo Potter on your hands.
1. Harry Potter has a magical creature in his genes. Somehow this, without fail, causes him to have a mating drive that completely defies two-gender biology and pushes him to stick his dick up someone's ass to induce MPreg.
2. Draco Malfoy has a magical creature in HIS genes. Although in this case, Harry gets it up the ass and shits out the baby.
Thought on #2: Given that it's usually a Veela, why doesn't the author just turn Draco into a girl? He's already an effeminate ponce and this way it's less faggoty than Boy!Draco/Harry...
3. Harry gets sorted into Slytherin AND is friends with Draco. Evidently, that is a recipe for a whole new kind of 'talking to snakes'.
4. Harry becomes suicidal/self-mutilating/anorexic. This will inevitably cause his friends to all betray and/or abandon him, forcing him to seek solace with the equally damaged Draco who turns out to be his perfect soulmate in an incredibly warped Romeo and Juliet way.
5. Harry finds out that James Potter wasn't really his father. This seems to generally induce a need to change one's entire life, along with a burning need to engage in buttsex.
6. Harry and/or Draco keep a diary or journal. Did you know that recording one's thoughts about your day can cause an inexplicable urge to go ass-spelunking?
7. Harry and Draco are single fathers. This actually leads to bigenerational faggotry, where the initiation of a relationship between Harry's child and Draco's child (usually both male, but I've seen otherwise) causes Draco and Harry to realize they enjoy exploring each others' rectum with their cock. Which leads to one big happy fucking family, which is about as creepy to me as Harry/Ginny because good GOD man, doesn't he realize Ginny looks like his MOTHER?! Freud would have a field day with JKR.
More later, I suppose...
1. Harry Potter has a magical creature in his genes. Somehow this, without fail, causes him to have a mating drive that completely defies two-gender biology and pushes him to stick his dick up someone's ass to induce MPreg.
2. Draco Malfoy has a magical creature in HIS genes. Although in this case, Harry gets it up the ass and shits out the baby.
Thought on #2: Given that it's usually a Veela, why doesn't the author just turn Draco into a girl? He's already an effeminate ponce and this way it's less faggoty than Boy!Draco/Harry...
3. Harry gets sorted into Slytherin AND is friends with Draco. Evidently, that is a recipe for a whole new kind of 'talking to snakes'.
4. Harry becomes suicidal/self-mutilating/anorexic. This will inevitably cause his friends to all betray and/or abandon him, forcing him to seek solace with the equally damaged Draco who turns out to be his perfect soulmate in an incredibly warped Romeo and Juliet way.
5. Harry finds out that James Potter wasn't really his father. This seems to generally induce a need to change one's entire life, along with a burning need to engage in buttsex.
6. Harry and/or Draco keep a diary or journal. Did you know that recording one's thoughts about your day can cause an inexplicable urge to go ass-spelunking?
7. Harry and Draco are single fathers. This actually leads to bigenerational faggotry, where the initiation of a relationship between Harry's child and Draco's child (usually both male, but I've seen otherwise) causes Draco and Harry to realize they enjoy exploring each others' rectum with their cock. Which leads to one big happy fucking family, which is about as creepy to me as Harry/Ginny because good GOD man, doesn't he realize Ginny looks like his MOTHER?! Freud would have a field day with JKR.
More later, I suppose...
Labels: you fail at life
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