Step In To My Parlor...

Random ramblings, ficcings, and some occasional art. Mostly rambling, though.

New Project
5.08.2007 | 1 Comments
I saw Spider-Man 3 on opening night. God, Gwen Stacy got raped in that movie. *shudders* So, I decided to try and work on a fic that had Peter/Gwen from the start... but then I realized it might be more fun to do a Spider-Woman fic with a lesbian SW/Gwen pairing. So... I fished out another of my old characters, and voila! We have ignition!

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posted by JoeHundredaire @ 2:33 AM
Randomonium
Voilá! In view, a humble vaudevillian veteran, cast vicariously as both victim and villain by the vicissitudes of Fate. This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation, stands vivified, and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition. The only verdict is vengeance; a vendetta, held as a votive, not in vain, for the value and veracity of such shall one day vindicate the vigilant and the virtuous. Verily, this vichyssoise of verbiage veers most verbose, so let me simply add that it is my very good honor to meet you and you may call me V.

     Tilting her head to the side, Karolina studied the swaying ass of the woman walking in front of them. "I would hit that like the fist of an angry god," she announced. She took another dozen or so steps before she realized she was alone, and paused to look back over her shoulder. The rest of the group was staring at her incredulously. "What?"
     Kit bounced forward and jumped on the blonde, hugging her tight. "I KNEW I'd corrupt you eventually," she crowed. "Hey Gert, pay up."

      
Skottikins is love

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posted by JoeHundredaire @ 2:11 AM
Interesting people I know
1.29.2007 | 0 Comments
This might just be me, but is the fact that since last time I've talked to you (about a month gap)... is it really a good thing that you've dumped the boyfriend you were "so in love with" and are now ENGAGED to a person who (as of our previous speaking) you'd yet to meet? The psychoanalytical part of me is having a field day with this, but I think I'll just fall back on my new favorite graphic to express my feelings...

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posted by JoeHundredaire @ 11:23 PM
Flaming sucks...
1.27.2007 | 0 Comments
...when the person is too dee dee dee to actually get offended.

"You suck."
"OMFG LOLz, i no i sux!"

Other people that should be shot:
  • People who can't cross Buffy and Harry Potter without making Willow a Weasley. Grow a fucking idea that doesn't revolve around motherfucking hair color, kthnxbye.
  • Anyone who writes more than one "OMG, Character X is really Character Y!" story. Well, unless they're doing parodies.
  • "My friends don't want me anymore so I decide to leave down and come back a gay superhero!"
  • High school "AU" story writers.
  • Writers who even THINK of writing a high school "AU" story.
  • People who try to base arguments/"witty" commentary on region or nation-specific television programming. Gee, I wonder why the American is vastly unamused by jokes about/references to some obscure British show...

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  • posted by JoeHundredaire @ 8:40 PM
    Almost as funny as porn star entries on Wikipedia...
    1.23.2007 | 0 Comments
    ...is listening to people do art commentary on hentai.
    Haha I love Oni's colors. To me his colors are second to none and really bring a vibrace to his pics. This one is certainly no exception.
    Uh... huh. You commission a guy to draw X-rated lesbian art and what you enjoy about it is the COLORS. Right then. Not even sure WTF a "vibrace" is, unless it's a kinky sex toy for crippled girls...

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 11:55 AM
    Hahahahaha... twat
    1.11.2007 | 0 Comments
    I love one of my girlfriend's friends. Really, I do. Listening to this dumb bitch try and break us up is like... oh god, there's not a word for a train wreck like this. It's past a train wreck that tipped over onto a highway and caused a 20-car pileup. Some of the highlights of this so-called friend's arguments about why Carrie should dump me. And you've gotta love how coherent and relevant some of these are...

    Re: Why she doesn't dump me for making the occasional joke about our cuddling:
    VeniVidiScripsi: See, I get away with far worse with Carrie than just being rude to you.
    VeniVidiScripsi: So unless you really want to lose a friend of... how many years was it?
    VeniVidiScripsi: I strongly suggest you get over yourself.
    CuteBlueDemon: you should get over yourself, she diserves a lot better then you
    CuteBlueDemon: she has no confidence in herself is the problem
    VeniVidiScripsi: She's changed in the last few months.
    VeniVidiScripsi: You'd know that if you had bothered to have contact with her.
    VeniVidiScripsi: Before, yunno, attacking her boyfriend over what Kira says.
    CuteBlueDemon: im not going on anything kira has told me and i have contacted her, a lot
    VeniVidiScripsi: Really?
    VeniVidiScripsi: Cuz "Haven't talked to her in six months" is pretty damning?

    Re: Why Carrie doesn't care that her sister doesn't like me, said dislike being because Kira likes to pick fights and I like to end them:
    CuteBlueDemon: that dosent matter, carrie is being stupid
    CuteBlueDemon: by the way, your ugly as fuck kid
    CuteBlueDemon: you look like a frigin beatle
    CuteBlueDemon: accept your fat
    (For those of you playing the home version, I'm roughly 6'0" and 170 lbs...)

    Another offshoot from the cuddling discussion, which somehow got into the fact that I'm on the Internet... gee, about as much as this girl is?
    VeniVidiScripsi: I was merely referring to Carrie's tendency to curl up as close to (and as much on top of) as humanly possible.
    VeniVidiScripsi: She's an excellent heater.
    CuteBlueDemon: sheb has no confidence, thats why she says nothing
    CuteBlueDemon: your a mere child, how much are you on the interenet?
    CuteBlueDemon: is that your life?
    CuteBlueDemon: how sad...
    VeniVidiScripsi: And you don't think saying all this about your friend is "disrespectful" to her?
    CuteBlueDemon: im disrespecting you, i could careless if i hurt her feelings in hurting you. Ive seen far too many people date guys like you and ruine their lives
    CuteBlueDemon: id rather have her hate me and be away from you

    Re: Why my girlfriend would rather stay with me for a week at a time than let this "friend" hang out with us...:
    CuteBlueDemon: oh dont worry, i'll always harass you
    CuteBlueDemon: and everytime your in my state, i'll make sure to make your time miserable as possible
    VeniVidiScripsi: No wonder Carrie comes out here for a week at a time. O_o
    CuteBlueDemon: she attentioned crave for a male touch

    Re: The fact that Carrie knows me pretty much inside and out and this girl... we've had one previous discussion that consisted of me IMing her to ask who she was after she IM'd Carrie from a new name and alarmed Carrie, and she then proceeded to assplode at me about how I'm a fuckhead, controlling, a horrible person... for taking the s/n my girlfriend gave me and asking who it was?
    VeniVidiScripsi: *shrugs* Carrie knows far, far more about me than you do. She knows a great many things that I'm surprised she hasn't dumped me because of. But she hasn't, and you know why? Because she sees something in me. I agree, there are far better people out there. But lucky for me, she wants me and not them.
    CuteBlueDemon: she wants you because your her first crush. It happens when people have low self esteem

    She then goes on to insult Carrie's mother and entire family except for the sister who doesn't like me.

    Lovely girl.

    I see their friendship lasting a good long time beyond this...

    NOT!

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 8:17 AM
    OMGWTF?!
    1.08.2007 | 0 Comments
    They seriously do not make an expletive strong enough for this occasion. From the same genius who induced a few past rants, I got an email after announcing the pending rewrite of my lesbian WIWU fic Real or No Real. Again, this had to be spell-checked for your own sanity...
    Any chance of Illyria seeing Xander as a annoying younger brother type person in this fic? Because I could just see her disapproving of his latest date and threatening her to take a hike before she would rip off her head. She might not even know she sees him like that until Jean tells her. Xander, finally reaching the end of his rope, tells Illyria that since his choices are "unworthy" (that would be her term for them) that she gets him a girlfriend then. I can just see her ordering a suitable mate for the annoying one-eyed one to become his lover if she knows what's good for her. It could be a comedy interlude?
    Just... *twitchtwitchtwitchexplode* Xander has like, a one line mention in this particular story. There is no Xander content. None. Illyria mentions him as being in Cleveland (as is Faith, who gets more of a mention than Xander) before she leaves the Hellmouth to come to Xavier's. I generally appreciate feedback but... what the fuck, Charles?

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 4:23 AM
    You are made of lose
    1.05.2007 | 0 Comments
    Dear Readers,

    I thank you all for your patience and reviews. However, becoming a Work-at-Home-Mom is proving to be virtually all consuming, and I must place a higher priority on my original fiction.

    So, I’ve made the decision to open all three of my unfinished stories up to other authors. I hope you will take the ideas and run with them.

    And, who knows, maybe I’ll find crossovers of my original stuff here someday.

    Have a great year.

    Sincerely,
    <Name Removed>
    Hahahahaha. No, seriously, LOLocaust. On several levels. Primarily, on her thinking that she's going to get somewhere someday based on the skills I've seen in her writing. Even more so with the 'I hope to see fanfic of my published stuff' bit. But seriously, if you manage less than 50,000 words in close to a year on one story featuring OCs for everyone, another where the "Scoobies" are too-intelligent five-year olds on a spaceship, and the last is rather badly-done crossover between X-Men and Star Wars? Oh, I see your career going real far real fast.

    Not.

    Tempted to take one of her stories though. The X-Men/Star Wars one. Because you can never have too many lesbian fics.

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 4:43 PM
    Top Ten Implausible Harry Potter Fic Premises From The Pit of Voles
    12.29.2006 | 0 Comments
    I'm no Minerva McTabby and this isn't Summary Execution, but I'll give it a good old never-went-to-college try...

    10. For some reason Hogwarts decides to add a sex ed class and even though in the books it's 10 students in the Trio's year for Gryffindor and 20 if you slot it dual-house, there's miraculously an uneven number of students that forces Snape (oh, did I mention that Dumbledore thought he'd be the best person to teach this?) to pair up with Hermione and leads to inevitable hands-on "sex ed" ala bad porn film.

    9. Any story whose summary contains the words "This story is based on true events". It's a fantasy land from a book series about magic. There is no way anything in your story happened to you in your life unless you're talking in the most vague sense of comparison or you were on a LOT of drugs at the time.

    8. Severitus. Along with other alternate-paternity fics. Cuz, yunno, Lily was a giant slut like that.

    7. "What if everything we ever read in JK Rowling’s books was real – including the people characterized?" Can't you at least try to be a bit more creative about the fact that you're about to Mary Sue yourself? The story's going to suck no matter what, but you could at least LOOK like you're putting effort into it.

    6. My Mary Sue goes back in time/already exists in the 1970s because of course everyone knows that in the two or three years of schooling where guys actually want to date girls plus the four years between their graduation and Halloween 1981, Sirius and/or Remus absolutely MUST have had a soulmate with whom their ever-so-perfect relationship was destroyed because of that night.

    5. Harry Potter is a neglected second son because <insert male name> Potter is the Boy-Who-Lived and the Gryffindor and everyone thinks he's the Chosen One, while 'Harry' Potter is a Slytherin and kicks total ass but nobody recognizes his greatness. Meaning, in actuality, the author wanted to write a Slytherin male lead but aren't desperate enough to try and turn Draco into the Boy-Who-Lived, so they renamed Harry to <insert male name> and gave the now free 'Harry Potter' designation to their original male character.

    4. Draco/Ginny, Draco/Hermione, Draco/pretty much anyone. I'm sorry, it's not UST that causes him to fight with Ginny and Hermione. He's just a fucking prick. They hate each other. Hatred. It does happen once in a while. Seriously. It does.

    3. Harry Potter being sexually abused by a Dursley. Cuz, yunno, they'd really wanna stick their cock up the ass of a 'freak', even if they WERE homosexually-inclined.

    2. Anything involving #3-#10 and assertions of compliance with the canon in ANY of the books.

    1. Slash.

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 11:45 PM
    'nother Rant
    12.28.2006 | 0 Comments
    This is a review of a fic over on TtH that just made me sorta blink. There is, of course, no name attached to the reviewer, the author, or the story because if you're reading this, you'll probably recognize the story based on the information given. And on to the meat of things...

    This isn't really about a specific chapter, but rather a feedback on both stories to this point. You're doing pretty good so far in blending the universes. There were a couple of spelling and grammar issues, but who hasn't had those. Once upon a time, when using spellchecker while half awake, I turned "herfear" into "heifer", which was then dutifully posted and remained up for two weeks until I caught it on a read through. It didn't stop people from loving the story. I especially like your approach to romance. Harry and Cho never did it for me. Nor did Ginny. Harry and Dawn seem like a natural, and your habit of cross-house romance is seriously interesting. Draco and Ginny are fascinating. And thanks for sending Willow and Tara in different directions. My wife and I (who met at the old Bronze on line) were discussing this last night and neither of us liked the gay plot twist that Joss used. It felt like bad slash-fic at the time and still does.

         Wow. Just... wow. "Thank God you de-lesbianed Tara because her as a lesbian felt wrong"? Okay, I think someone missed like, all of Seasons 4 through 6. Tara was introduced to be THE LESBIAN. Right, just to make sure you read it... THE LESBIAN. She has sex... with women. If you look at it, all of her action in the series can be traced back to the fact that she and Willow were tonguing each other's pussies. She did magic in the show... with Willow. She moved into and out of the house... because of Willow. She helped Buffy with resurrection because she was in on it... because of Willow. She died because she was there... with Willow.

         If there was no 'gay plot twist', there would have been no Tara character in the show period beyond the cute blonde chick at the on-campus witch group shown in one episode. The two of them are so obvious from the first episode they're in together (I think the Gentlemen, but I could be wrong) that I remember winning $50 off my friend by making a bet that it'd be Willow/Tara after seeing that episode. Given that the subtext was that obvious that early, I doubt that if W/T wasn't in the cards that those scenes would have even been shot. Willow would have escaped on her own or if they wanted Tara just as a mentor character, she would have saved Willow. But from the first time they did the 'let's hold hands and do a spell together' thing? Totally obvious.

    So let's recap:
    1. Tara is a lesbian
    2. Tara was in the show because she was a lesbian
    3. If Willow didn't go over to the Dyke Side, Tara probably wouldn't have been in the show for more than one or two episodes
    4. If you like Tara but don't like her as a lesbian... you're a fucktard

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 10:46 PM
    Signs That Harry Potter Is About To Turn Gay
    12.01.2006 | 0 Comments
    If you've ever ventured into the Harry Potter section over on The Pit of Voles, you can see some rather horrific Harry Potter slash fics. So... I've decided to compile five signs that evidently indicate you've got Homo Potter on your hands.

    1. Harry Potter has a magical creature in his genes. Somehow this, without fail, causes him to have a mating drive that completely defies two-gender biology and pushes him to stick his dick up someone's ass to induce MPreg.
    2. Draco Malfoy has a magical creature in HIS genes. Although in this case, Harry gets it up the ass and shits out the baby.
    Thought on #2: Given that it's usually a Veela, why doesn't the author just turn Draco into a girl? He's already an effeminate ponce and this way it's less faggoty than Boy!Draco/Harry...
    3. Harry gets sorted into Slytherin AND is friends with Draco. Evidently, that is a recipe for a whole new kind of 'talking to snakes'.
    4. Harry becomes suicidal/self-mutilating/anorexic. This will inevitably cause his friends to all betray and/or abandon him, forcing him to seek solace with the equally damaged Draco who turns out to be his perfect soulmate in an incredibly warped Romeo and Juliet way.
    5. Harry finds out that James Potter wasn't really his father. This seems to generally induce a need to change one's entire life, along with a burning need to engage in buttsex.
    6. Harry and/or Draco keep a diary or journal. Did you know that recording one's thoughts about your day can cause an inexplicable urge to go ass-spelunking?
    7. Harry and Draco are single fathers. This actually leads to bigenerational faggotry, where the initiation of a relationship between Harry's child and Draco's child (usually both male, but I've seen otherwise) causes Draco and Harry to realize they enjoy exploring each others' rectum with their cock. Which leads to one big happy fucking family, which is about as creepy to me as Harry/Ginny because good GOD man, doesn't he realize Ginny looks like his MOTHER?! Freud would have a field day with JKR.

    More later, I suppose...

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 5:04 AM
    Random thought for HP slashers...
    8.15.2006 | 0 Comments
    There is no uterus in a man. Stop adding one.

    Especially when it's somehow related to his anus. When you cum up ANYONE'S butt, it leads to an uncomfortable situation that needs to be taken care of... preferably with the adjustable shower head. It doesn't lead to pregnancy in women, who actually HAVE a uterus, and it certainly doesn't lead to pregnancy in men.

    Besides, could you imagine explaining that to the kid?
    "You see, when one man and another man really love each other, and want to have a baby, one sticks it in the other's pooper. The one who had it stuck in his pooper gets pregnant in the ass. For nine months, his ass swells in pregnancy, and he experiences mood swings, morning sickness, cravings, and other hormonal imbalances. Then, after nine months are up, he shits out a baby! And so the beautiful circle of life makes another revolution."

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    posted by JoeHundredaire @ 2:40 AM
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